Listen. Although I use this tumblr as my diary, uh, journal, I’m not going to sit here and give any lurking eyes gossip fodder. I’m just not. But let me tell you this - there is TRUTH to what our mother’s have taught us, save “yourself for your husband,” “save yourself for that special one who is committed to you”. Even the Bible spit that tough love dating truth - adultery can lead to moral indignation, trouble, babies etc. I won’t say that having sex before commitment doesn’t ever lead to uh, commitment, or let’s take it a step further, marriage, but rarely, especially in the age of Instagram booty calls and Twitter sex does it happen.

Women, we have made it hard on each OTHER by allowing such easy accessibility to our stuff. I know I know, it’s hard to date and not have sex when the next girl will give it up for Cheesecake Factory and an IG follow. Men can pick out women from a social networking site like a catalog. No longer are they limited to what’s around them, no, they can call in a hooch from the other side of the country. I digress.

To a lot of men, “celibacy” is puzzling and stupid. I didn’t understand when I heard matchmakers say that our uh,  “goodness below” is our bargaining chip, our calling card. When we let it go, it’s no turning back. I didn’t like their objectification of it, but as it turns out I was the one who needed to “Think Like A Man.” They literally see the cookie, as a cookie. Bite it, enjoy it, eat it, have another.

What inspired this post? An article called, “A Letter to the Girl You’re Hooking Up With But Will Never Marry. ”

Basically the columnist is writing an open letter to a girl he’s hooking up with, hanging out with, going on dates with, but will never marry. He goes on to list the reasons - and the hackneyed, really diabolical logic men have behind sleeping with a woman over and over again, taking her on dates, even introducing her to friends but never intends on getting serious with. Get this, they do it because they feel BAD, and don’t want to be considered jerks, but of course, what women know is, the jerkier part is stringing said woman along. 

Listen - we really have to start taking the puritanical advice of our mothers. I’m telling you. Sex may be fun, but it comes with tons of emotional responsibility. Let’s be honest with ourselves. Women are not BUILT to have sex and move on. We’re literally not wired that way. When we have sex, we release a chemical called oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” and unfortunately for women it’s sticks around in our system MUCH longer than in men’s. What’s this chemical responsible for? Our feelings of attachment, romantically. Making it rough to just be fun buddies. Men on the other hand, see it as a conquest, do it, some will cuddle a little after but if you don’t mean anything to them? They will move allllll the way on, quick. I think men get so much these days they have literally Darwin-style selected themselves out of the whole oxytocin lottery!

Here’s the thing, if you’re comfortable having sex, if that’s your vice, your drug of choice, and you’re cool with not being in a relationship with a title, and not getting married, by all means go out there and do your thing! But if the big “M” or “C” (commitment) is at ALL on your radar? Don’t give it up. I mean from any orifice. Why you ask? Because even thought they “say,” they’ll respect you after? Seriously, if the deed has been done too early and you’re not their girl, a lot of times they’ve already started to mentally move on to the next conquest. You happened, it happened, they’re over it. EVEN if it was good as sh*t.

Celibacy, yes, that’s the freakin’ key. Don’t just do it to be in a relationship of course. Do it because you value yourself and don’t want to keep being moved on from. You want to do the moving if it has to happen. If he is diggin’ you for the right reasons he’ll stick around. Yeah, he maybe be all-up-in that Instagram hoochie over there, but when the time comes she’ll be looking for a new follow, and you’ll be buying a white dress.

What is the human condition that makes us choose uncertainty? Why do we pick the person who’s love is a Russian roulette over one who’s love is stead fast and safe? We’re not unintelligent. We’re not masochist. We’re sure in our careers, precise with the friendships & acquaintances we choose to keep or throw away. Steadfast in our humanity, but uncertain in love.

Maybe because love in it’s nature is mercurial, fallible; the one human variable that you can’t be sure of until you are really, really sure. You can’t pin it down and ultimately ambition can’t buy it. Uncertainty for uncertainty.

Is that why?